As I sit down to type this I am wondering if I'm having early contractions or if these are the same sensations I've been feeling for the past few days. Is my belly harder? Are the cramps below my belly new or part of my pelvic pain? Is the baby moving as much as it was? Am I ready to have this baby TODAY?! I'm a few days 'over' my due date now and the waiting game is real.
Not long now has been said to me by many people approximately 512,789 times this pregnancy. Since early August when walking became really challenging and my world began to really and significantly shrink down to the walls of my house and not much else, people have been reassuring me with those three little words. And now, finally, I can feel that my body agrees and it really is not long now until we meet the tiny human who has grown inside me for what feels like rather a long time!
The final weeks of pregnancy are such a beautiful, strange, gorgeous, magical, unusual, unique time. A time to hunker down and wait, to nest and tidy, to organise and sort, and in my case, to watch the entirety of Hunger Games franchise...don't judge me - I love myself a YA book or film. This time round I have been housebound for the past few weeks; my movement reduced to hobbling to the kitchen and back to the bedroom and my reliance on my husband and other helpful family and friends becoming stronger and more necessary with each day that passes. Having my independence so compromised has been really odd and really difficult, but also a reminder that as humans we adapt so quickly and easily to new situations - I can't remember what it's like to go for a walk without pain or to nip out in the car on my own, but I know that those things will be back soon and this time will be but a distant memory. I'll even look back on the last few weeks with fondness and as a time that I truly surrendered to my body and allowed myself to do exactly what I needed to do. I've had baths everyday, I've napped on the sofa, I've cancelled all social engagements, I've most definitely ordered too much stuff from Vinted just so a parcel arrives each day, and I've leaned into lying on the sofa like never before. Of course there have been tears; of frustration, of anger, of sadness and of happiness and some days I feel so cross that I can't function like I used to I want to scream. BUT, generally the past few weeks have turned into something rather lovely and I've learnt to appreciate slowing down and making no plans like never before.
The final weeks of pregnancy can throw up so many emotions and even as we prepare to welcome our third baby into the world I can't quite get my head around the concept that inside of me is a person and soon this person will exist outside of my body. We've definitely been on a journey together and feeling those kicks, those little elbows, even those hands (which I swear are currently next to my bladder but also right down low in my pelvis!), is one of life's true moments of magic - I'll miss this bumpy little guy who keeps me awake at night with his punches and stretches being inside of my tummy. It's the last weeks of just me and him before everyone else gets to cuddle and interact with him. Our final days (or hours?!), together before he's out and about and making noise and needing feeds and demanding our time and attention.
Here are five things I have learnt at the end of pregnancy and five things I am really looking forward to once I've birthed this little being.
1. Slowing down takes effort. You need to actively choose to cancel, to stop and to give in.
2. You can definitely have too much lying down. I am so over lying down.
3. Baking cakes soothes me and is worth the pain of standing up for!
4. Having kids around (not all the time), in some ways makes life easier because they fill the bordeom with their chaos.
5. Good friends who pop in or drive 2 hours to see you and bring chocolate, are the best.
And what am I looking forward to!!?!?!?!?!?!?
1. Smelling this baby's sweet little head
2. A glass of champagne
3. A walk into the middle of a field
4. Sitting on seats and it not feeling painful
5. Seeing the older children with their new baby brother or sister.
Maybe the last blog before the baby, maybe not!